A habit that I have been using in my life for many years is a weekly preview. All it takes is 5 minutes to look at next week’s calendar and see what is on the schedule. One Friday afternoon I was especially thrilled because the next week was full of appointments. It was such a relief not because I did not have to bust it on Monday to book some but because my sales manager was riding with me that week.
Or how about the time, I ate healthy for 30 days in a row because I was in a First Place for Health class and had to get on the scale weekly. We could also look back when I didn’t eat out for a month because I had told someone that I needed to get back on track with my budget and this was the quickest way.
What is common in all of these scenarios? Accountability. People have told me, “Becky, you are so disciplined.” I may be a bit more disciplined than others but I am who I am today because of accountability. It is a double edged sword for me…I hate it and I love it! As I often say, I would be fat and poor if not for accountability.
The online dictionary describes accountability as the act of taking responsibility for one’s actions. It is walking the talk. Doing what you say. Or as this quote says, “Hypocrisy exists in the space between language and action.”
There are three keys to accountability:
#1: Resolve
#2: True friendships (or money)
#3: Being vulnerable with others
Let’s look at each of this. First, resolved or determined. If you are wishy-washy about your desires, your intentions, your life, it will be hard to use accountability to grow. You need to know what you want to achieve whether it is to make more money or know God deeper or be healthier or develop meaningful relationships. Jesus set His face like flint (Isaiah 50:6-7.) He was resolved to accomplish His task. (Luke 9:51) What are you resolved to do? If you have not evaluated your life and determined what you want, accountability will not work for you.
Once you are resolved, the next step is to ask a true friend to hold you accountable. According to Proverbs, the wounds of a friend are better than the kisses of an enemy. For accountability to work in your life, you need to have a friend(s) who cares about you enough to hold you accountable. To not be afraid of ruining your friendship because they tell you when you are missing the mark. A friend like this will also rejoice with you during your successes as well.
Having these types of friendships do not happen overnight. These are friends you can share huge victories with and they won’t think you are egotistical. They can also tell you the truth in love. They are ones who can make you so mad but once you cool off you know that you can trust what they are saying. And they are not saying it to harm but to help.
Of course, you can also pay for this accountability. Hire a life coach to ask you the tough questions. (By the way, a good life coach can also help you determine what you need to be resolved about.) Or a trainer to work you out each week. Or financial planner to assist you in focusing on a budget. Or a family therapist to hold you accountable on your relationships. In my case, I needed both! Paid professionals have helped me in so many areas but for me I am most motivated when one of my friends is an accountability partner.
Lastly, you need to be vulnerable. As someone who is an 8 on the Enneagram, this was difficult for me at first but I quickly learned that accountability is worthless if I am not real and authentic. If you do not tell both your struggles as well as your desires to your accountability partner, there is no need to take the time to meet. You must be remove all masks and be honest and open.
Accountability should not be viewed as a punishment – it is not punitive – but rather see it as a fulcrum (think lever or see-saw.) A fulcrum is that thing (i.e. rock, block, shelf) which makes leverage possible. If you want to get to the next level in your life, you can either crawl and scrap up the wall or you can use a lever to catapult yourself to that place. Accountability is that and it is the key to personal growth. Are you willing to do what it takes?
