Who are You Influencing?

One of my constant encouragements I say to myself and to my clients is, “Let’s live lives without any regret.” I have to say it often because almost daily there is something I regret (i.e. overeating, getting mad in traffic, spending too much on technology, etc.) Yet, we need to keep saying it because it allows us to live lives of intention.

Any internet search will show that most people’s dying regrets fall into three areas: worked too much, loved too little, and wore a “mask” (not an N-95 mask.) When we work too much we may gain financial security and words of affirmations from those around us but it is always fleeting. I remember when I moved to Texas for a new job. My salary was increased by XXX%!! As I cruised down Interstate 10 through Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and into Texas in my new-to-me car, I thought, “With this salary, I will save so much money.” But you know what happened, I did not raise my savings level but my living level. And before I knew it what seemed like a fantastic salary become a standard salary.

And I have never had a boss say to me, “Great job!! Take the rest of the year off.” I have had some amazing bosses and I may have gotten a Friday off but guess what? I had to come back in on Monday and produce again. It was never enough.

What about loving too little? I think we see this most reflected in thinking we have more time to love on those people that matter to us. You miss a child’s ballgame because you know that there are 16 games in the season. Or you miss a visit with the in-laws because you will have the Thanksgiving visit. Or you travel 3 days every week for two years because NOW is the time to build the business. But before you know it, your child is heading off to college. Or your mother-in-law is diagnosed with breast cancer. Or you get home from the 30th trip of the year and the house is dark and there are divorce papers on the counter.

Lastly, when we wear a mask, we are really living a life of hypocrisy…duplicity…even lies. This leads to regrets related to unfulfilled dreams, unspoken words, and lost opportunities. We live lives that are based on others’ expectations (which we will never 100% satisfy.) We live lives that have no action because we are afraid of failure, rejection, or disappointment. We live in quiet desperation.

To assure a no regret life, the first place to examine are your roles. First, what roles do you play? Mother? Wife? Daughter? Friend? Aunt? Boss? Employee? Volunteer? Church member?

Which of these roles is most important? And yes you have to choose one! Then next in importance, etc. Then, ask how are you doing in those roles? Really give yourself a rating. And if you want to be bold, ask the person with whom you are in relationship with how you are doing?

Lastly, make a plan to improve that rating. I have created a worksheet to help you with this process. I would encourage you to save a copy so that you can work through this process again in 90 days.

Also, I will be doing a 15-minute Zoom meeting on Friday the 8th at 1 pm EDT on this topic. Click here to get all the details and the registration link.

Please know that if you need help in living a life of no regrets just reach out.